Friday, November 7, 2008

Let's Hold Hands on the Internet - No, Not You, Aaron P. Taylor

So, one reason for my continuing frustration with Blogger (okay, Wordpress is better - there, I said it!) is that Google Analytics does not reliably keep track of the sites that link to one's blog. I would like to be able to thank (and link back to) the people who link to me. That is because linking is a nice thing to do, and it is also how blogs say hello to each other and make friends. Linking is like holding hands on the Internet.

(Oh, and speaking of linking: children are apparently performing brief, highly symbolic one-act plays about Obama. Children, when will you cease to amaze us all? Probably when you become adults. Angry, disappointed, cynical adults.)

Anyway! After an embarrassingly long amount of time, I have been able to sort through the "referrals" and have found out who the kindly linkers in question are.

  • Row My Boat agrees that revisiting the leftist sexism of yore is lame, and deplores the resurrection of stirrup pants. For this reason, Row My Boat is awesome.
  • Gender Goggles agrees that the main purpose of feminism is to provide detailed and lengthy movie reviews. (And to, you know, change stuff.) For this reason, Gender Goggles is awesome.
  • There might have been a link to me a while ago? I can't find it. For this reason, is not awesome. Screw you, Stumbleupon.
  • Amanda Hess of The Sexist agrees that Amanda Hess of The Sexist and I are possibly soulmates. For this reason, Amanda Hess of The Sexist is the most awesome of all.
And, finally, a link to frequent traffic-driver and rape-justifier Aaron P. Taylor and his... seduction manual.

Yes, Aaron P. Taylor apparently wrote a seduction manual. This is why I do it, people: because the "Aaron P. Taylor doing embarrassing shit on the Internet" beat is vastly underreported. The seduction manual is pointed to in the "Links" section of his blog (all of those links, I should point out, go to sites run by Aaron P. Taylor), it is available to download for the low, low price of $39.99, and it is entitled From "P.I.M.P." to "W.I.M.P." The NON-JUAN's Guide... TO LOSING THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS!!!!

This, as you can imagine, is something that Aaron P. Taylor knows a little bit about! Here are some of the topics he covers:
>> You find girls constantly telling you, "You're a Nice Guy," yet they won't date you!
Because you wrote a blog post about raping them!
>> You have lots of girl "friends," but no "girlfriend"!
Because you wrote a blog post about raping them!
>> You've left a message on a girl's answering machine, and she never calls you back!
Because she read your blog post about raping!
>> You had a girl tell you she wants a guy who's honest with her... but as soon as you tell her how you honestly feel about her, she no longer wants to be around you!
Because you told her you honestly felt that some women "deserve" a raping!
>> You can't understand why girls make dates with you, but cancel at the last minute!
Again: maybe the raping blog didn't help?
>> You've never kissed, touched, or been intimate with a girl... EVER!

Anyway, after plunking down your $39.99, you will learn Aaron P. Taylor's top secret dating techniques, including this:

TOP 5 EXCUSES girls give for not dating you - and how to act like they were never spoken

Ah, consent: so inessential to the dating process! Buyers, act now to take advantage of these hot dating tips. They're woman-tested and... well, not woman-approved, really, but who cares? Just follow them anyway!

This is an invaluable document. In fact, I'm thinking of sending a copy to Ian Sloane.

Oh. Oh, wait, no. That would be a terrible idea.

1 comment:

  1. I've had the same problems with Wordpress. (Your links to me, strangely enough, always show up. I suspect inter-Wordpress collusion is to blame for this). Anyway, you're on my RSS now (Oh, the technology). So watch out. Future linking is imminent.