1) This morning, I hauled myself out of a very comfortable bed so that my Dread Landlord could install a thermostat.
2) The Dread Landlord told me, upon his arrival, that he had decided not to install the thermostat. He just wanted to drop by and say hello! WHY NOT PLACE A PHONE CALL, I ask you?
3) One hour later, DL arrived again! It was time to install the thermostat! Could I possibly cancel my plans for the rest of the afternoon? This would take some time.
3a) Upon successful installation, the DL informed me that he would be dropping by - yes, dropping by my bedroom - frequently for the next few weeks to make sure that I was keeping the rest of the house at an appropriate temperature. Yes, I am responsible for the temperature of the entire three-story house. Yes, I can use this to punish my obnoxious downstairs neighbor for his many crimes. No, it is not worth it.
4) Because here were my plans for next Tuesday (on which I will not be working): shop at vintage stores, shop at yarn stores, shop at grocery stores, make soup/knit/look great. Here are my current plans for next Tuesday: wait for DL to show up, try to get him out of house quickly.
5) Also, before I hauled myself out of the comfortable bed (I left before pancakes - pancakes!) I dreamt that Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan had hired me as their couples counselor. They were doing fine! They just needed some help keeping it romantic. Maybe I am bummed that this is not my actual career?
Ladies! Does your love lack the "spice" that you require? Because, you know, I can help with that.