John DeVore Is Not the Best You Can Do

And the Almighty Gods of Getting Laid Because You're a Sensitive Cool Dude, Right, Ladies looked upon John DeVore of The Frisky, and they saw that he had written upon that blog an essay about gender relations in this modern day and age, and they read what he had presented unto them, and they pronounced upon him: FAAAAAAILLLLLLL.

For John DeVore has written an article in the "Mind of Man" section entitled "I Might Be a Sexist," the point of which is that he is... not? I don't know. With a title like this, however, how could I look away?

I’m not proud of the fact that I might be sexist, but it seems more honest to say so than declaring that I’m a feminist. Which I’m not. I’m having a tough enough time trying to figure out how to be a righteous dude. I suppose the best contribution I can make to the struggle for gender equality is to try and be a better man. I can’t allow myself to politicize my inner-struggles, to become, as Gandhi said, the change I want to see in the world. So, yeah, I’m not a feminist, and I might be a sexist. But better I be aware of that, than ignorant to the prejudices that make me oh-so human. And that’s the best I can do.

Yep. File under: FAAAAAAILLLLLLL, Epic. Also, under: The Best They Can Do, Dudes Claim This Is Because They're Lazy.

He is not the first entrant in this category. There is a long history of dudes half-assing their understanding of gender relations and claiming that the fact they are making an effort at all means they deserve to be rewarded, perhaps with your crotch. This is because the task of dismantling male privilege, which has been upheld historically by men (and also by women - I know there are female misogynists out there, I've heard a Katy Perry song or two in my time) who, depending upon the precise intersection of race, sexuality, class, and cis or trans status they inhabit, may actually tend to have far more institutional power than many or most women and hence an ideal position from which to effect change, is completely and entirely the responsibility of chicks. Or so dudes of this stripe seem to believe.

Yet this does not mean that they support male dominance or privilege or anything, they add! They care, they really do. It's just that they can't change it. They cannnnn't. It is toooo harrrrd, and anyway, why are you blaming them for what certain men, or men in the past, or maybe every man on the planet who is not them because they are unique and special little snowflakes who manage to benefit from their privilege every single day of their lives without in any way meaning to or being complicit with it, have done? Then they proceed to tell you that they really are sensitive to these issues, and are doing their best, which just so happens to be nothing. Hey, they're just being honest! You should thank them! (FACT: If you say something assy, then claim that you only did it because you're "being honest," this not only gets you off the hook for being an ass in the first place, it means the people you've hurt are obliged to congratulate you on your courage and integrity! Try it sometime!) Then you give them cookies since they are such good boys. That, anyway, is how they tend to envision the end of the conversation.

Which means that any attempt to actually confront them on their sexism or change the dynamic goes exactly like this:

So, what has inspired John DeVore of The Frisky to announce his sexism? Well, like everyone else in the whole entire United States of America, he heard about that plane what landed in the Hudson. Did you know that some people shouted "women and children first" on that flight? Did you know that this is totally sexist? John DeVore has the incredibly controversial and sexist (and HONEST, of course) opinion that women and children should be helped when they are in trouble! So, really, his sexism is all for your own good, you know? Because he would totally not trample you to death, if he had the chance. Also, by sheer coincidence, the Line To Give John DeVore a Beej for Saving You From Hypothetical Trampling Death is forming right now outside his bedroom, so you'd better reserve your space!

Let's read more of John DeVore's sensitive dudely prose, shall we?

Not to bring feminism back into it, seeing as the term seems misinterpreted, misunderstood, and wholly divisive,

Ha ha, "misinterpreted" and "misunderstood" by whom? I cannot think of a single person who has done this in recent memory!

but gender equality, if it’s ever to be achieved fully, seems dependent on knowing what the sexes have in common, and what makes us different. Special. Unique.

Like weiners! Or raging senses of entitlement! Or a tendency to patronize one's intended audience because, heck, they're just a bunch of girls!

That might be patriarchal, hetero-normative claptrap, but I’m being honest here.

OF COURSE YOU ARE, John. Bless your little heart.

Life isn’t theory after all, the map isn’t the territory. As a purely speculative, fantastical situation, I want to be a man who ushers those people who need help.

So, for the record, if John DeVore is ever in a plane, and it goes down, and it manages to make a safe water landing, and everyone on board survives - an event which is about as likely as a unicorn galloping through John DeVore's bedroom window on a rainbow, carrying a brand-new XBox 360 around its neck and President Obama on its back, so that John DeVore may commence fulfilling his duties as the new Chairman of Playing Guitar Hero In His Underpants - then, on that day, John DeVore will help women. The chances of John DeVore actually helping women with problems that they face in their day-to-day lives, like, say, sexism? Not so much.