Dear Daily Mail:

Are you fucking kidding me:

We should examine the double standards in operation [regarding female novelists who write about sex]. There's virtually no market for men to write about Lothario-style conquests.

Nor would they be hailed as freedom fighters if they did dare to write a warts-and-all account of pulling women...

Nor can I imagine a collection of 'unashamedly sexy stories by your favourite male novelists'.

Yes, Daily Mail, it's true: women are applauded for writing about sex, in explicit terms, because women's sexuality is accepted by our society and there is no risk of being publicly shamed or marginalized for expressing it. This is, I regret to say, a clear double standard: if a man wrote explicit sex scenes, he'd be run out of town on a rail. No, there is no way that a man could be considered one of the foremost writers of his time if he dared to write a "warts-and-all" account of sex with a variety of women. It just could not happen. Just look at the filth these young women are producing:

She said nothing then, her lovely mouth otherwise engaged, until he came, all over her face. She had gagged, and moved him outside her lips, rubbing his spurting glans across her cheeks and chin... God, she was antique, but here they were. Her face gleamed with his jism in the spotty light of the motel room, there on the far end of East Beach, within sound of the sea.

Oh. Wait.

Yeah, I'm done with this.