Sexist Beatdown: Lynn Crosbie Don't Make Sense, But She's Got Her Reasons Edition

Good morning! It's a beautiful, yet sad day, my friends: a day for the funeral of feminism in pop culture, with the eulogy being delivered by the delightfully nonsensical Lynn Crosbie of the Globe and Mail!

Today, the mournful Amanda Hess of the Sexist and the woeful me of Tiger Beatdown shall discuss her pronouncements! For, as in the wake of any death, we have questions, such as: WHAT THE HELL IS LYNN CROSBIE EVEN TALKING ABOUT OH MY GOD? Why is there so much time and attention defined to defining the indefinable nature of Samoan people? What, exactly, is feminist about Obsessed? And will we, the lady-people of the world, ever have a piece of televisual entertainment that addresses our concerns as aptly as the theme song to Two and a Half Men?

ILLUSTRATION: The future of vaguely offensive feminism in pop culture. Please press play, just so that you can hear the falsetto, and also Ben Lee insisting that you must "hear him roar."

AMANDA: "a woman is anyone who once was a tiny gamete with XX sex chromosomes instead of X plus Y." oh boy. we're getting into really enlightened conversation here.

SADY: oh, yes. apparently, "feminism" is about defining exactly who gets to be or not be a real lady on a profoundly restrictive biological basis! did you know ladies have the "indoor" "plumbing"?

AMANDA: that makes us more sophisticated

SADY: it does, in fact. sophisticated enough to appreciate the excellent sitcom, "two and a half men!"

AMANDA: I like this woman's style! I could never write a sentence like this: "It is this, the plumbing, not the chromosomes, that define and estrange us from the brothers." I think this is written in some sort of code. See: lede, "What is a real Samoan?"

SADY: right? in the end, we are told that defining Samoans is USELESS. there IS no such thing as a person of Samoan heritage or citizenship! i guess my question as to what this means for feminism in pop culture - the subject (?) of her article - is, HUH?

AMANDA: wait, is that what we learn? i truly cant tell if the sendoff is a joke: "Next week Your American Idol! Comments?" hmm, yes, I have a comment. umm ... get an editor?

SADY: hahaha this seriously reads like someone drank a whole bottle of nyquil and hammered out an article 1.5 seconds before deadline. like, her complaint seems to be that women can't be defined a certain way although also she can define women but women in pop culture have not been sufficiently indefinable, so, what's with defining things, Media?

AMANDA: i'm not sure why "Obsessed" will be good for feminism in pop culture but "The Reader" isntt? yeah, she seems to have an aversion to defining anything, like her point, or subjects of sentences

SADY: well, in "Obsessed," we learn the very important lessons that women are natural energies and also that you should STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN. ENEMIES, not energies. i have been stricken with ill-definedness!

AMANDA: "the very image of a woman so fluid in her possibilities." as is this essay, which i like to imagine was transcribed from a drunken voicemail

SADY: women are the trees, and the rain, and the wind.

AMANDA: the only thing i can say for sure about women is that they clearly ALWAYS have two XX sex chromosomes!

SADY: allow me to quote to you one of my favorite recent bits of feminism in pop culture, from singer/songwriter ben lee. it is called, "i'm a woman, too."
AMANDA: haha. great. ok

SADY: It’s true, it’s true
I’m a woman too
I move with the flow of the seasons

I do, I do
Cause I’m a woman too
I don’t make sense but I got my reasons

AMANDA: this whole thing makes me want to bang my head on my keyboard. maybe the results could be published in the globe and mail?

SADY: yes, in womanly fashion. MOVE WITH THE FLOW OF THE SEASONS, my fellow woman. if there is one thing we have learned from ben lee and/or the globe and mail, it is that women make NO SENSE.

AMANDA: hear hear. incidentally, i have a small obsession with two and a half men. because---i've never seen it---but i always catch about 2 minutes of it before gossip girl comes on. and it's always the sweet conclusion, which is usually charlie sheen sitting down on a couch and drinking a beer or something, and the other guy exiting and a laugh track. whatever happened before that may have been crazy interesting, but the end is always the same. it could be the same episode! i have no idea. and then the song comes on that's like "Men, men, men MEN MEN MEN men men men MEN MEN MEN men men men"

SADY: that sounds amazing! why don't women have a show like this!

AMANDA: pitch it

SADY: LADY LADY LADY: IS SHE SAMOAN? No way of knowing!

AMANDA: i do want to give lynn crosbie one credit here, which is, when I read the word "warmins," i laughed out loud. i'm still laughing

SADY: yes, a show about how women may change from summer to spring to fall but Warmins are eternal i have a question for you: "What would you rather do: Consider seducing your hot boss in a bathroom stall or watch Queen Latifah being chased by bees?"

AMANDA: that's a question for the ages.

A Very Special Edition of Sexist Beatdown

... one in which the lovely Amanda Hess of the Sexist and I actually use the same headline!

Well, as the number of anonymous "DARN RADICAL FEMINISTS ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT THE RAPING" troll comments in my moderation queue informs me, it is Rape as Entertainment Week here at Tiger Beatdown! Thus, Amanda Hess and I discuss: are there good rape scenes? How has the critical response to rape-themed entertainment changed in our lifetimes? Why is dude-on-dude rape so surprisingly common in film? Doesn't Anna Faris deserve better, really? And why is Roger Ebert the WORST GRANDPA-FOR-HIRE EVER?

Join us, won't you?

ILLUSTRATION: A film about hope and the triumph of the human spirit. Oh, and multiple gang-rapings.

SADY: good afternoon or evening!

AMANDA: any time is a good time for high-brow discussion on the art of raping women on film

SADY: ha, yes! i myself have been spectacularly dour and serious on the subject as of late. i think i'm going to stop posting words and just type frowny faces from now on. seth rogen, :(. it's funny, because i think that telling stories about rape from the perspective of ladies who've lived through it can be totally important, you know?

AMANDA: are there any rape scenes in movies that you think are important? i think the scene in Boys Don't Cry was important.

SADY: yeah, that one was huge. it was intense and it was scary and it totally centered Brandon Teena and the fact that the rape was a crime about power and gender and the fact that they viewed him as "really" a woman and wanted to drive that home through forced sex. it's funny but i think a lot of the more interesting rape scenes i've seen have been in TV. Mad Men - Joan gets raped, and it's the same thing, it's about the fact that her boyfriend is threatened by her power and her sexuality and wants to take that away from her. I guess what I'm saying is that you can have rape in your movie and I will NOT EVEN YELL AT YOU, if it's a story about sexual assault and what that means and what it does to a person. not something that uses sexual assault to add spice or shock value or whatever. because the thing about rape: once that shit happens, you have to LIVE with it. it's not a thing that you can just resolve with some punching or with a laugh line or whatever.

AMANDA: yeah, and I think it's an interesting dynamic when it happens that way---particularly when the rape is committed by the protagonist, as in Observe and Report (ostensibly). because, really, rape is actually a pretty common thing to happen to a woman, and a lot of times the people who commit them are otherwise normal seeming friends, etc.---people who might even be protagonists in motion pictures!

SADY: Ha! Indeed! I think the thing about "Observe & Report" style rape, which is not even that different from your usual how-do-we-make-it-clear-this-guy-is-a-villain-oh-I-know-raping move, is that in each case it's kind of about deploying rape as your "edgy" move. Oh, look, rape, BUT SHE LIKES IT, isn't that crazy? Oh, an incredibly brutal rape, LOOK HOW BRUTAL THIS RAPING IS, isn't that crazy?

AMANDA: Yeah, Hollywood will just sneak that rape in anywhere!

ILLUSTRATION: Dag-blasted hippies, always with the raping!

SADY: Ha ha, yeah, PITCH MEETING: "So, this dude is totally crazy, and kills some people." "BORING." "Oh, but he's also a rapist!" "SOLD! MAN, you're edgy!"

AMANDA: another common pass: having the man rape ANOTHER MAN. that way, men can watch the rape without feeling awkward sexual feelings, and can just say, heh, "Ouch!" you know, and also laugh in embarrassment at the man being treated like a lady. So that resolves the guilt problem. a la your critique of Pulp Fiction.

SADY: Yeah, the "Shawshank Redemption" rapes, too. It's fun to make your gay men sexual predators, I think, if you are a douche. See "Irreversible" which has a nine-minute rape scene of a lady, which is perpetrated BY A GAY MAN for reasons unknown, but which allows for various scenes shot in a club known, I believe, as "The Rectum."

AMANDA: Deliverance, too, the movie that launched 1,000 man rape jokes

SADY: Well, it's funny if men get raped, because that only happens to ladies! And, I mean, not to get all painfully academicish here, but the reality of rape is that it is typically a crime about power, sexual entitlement, and humiliation, perpetrated by a privileged person on a non-privileged person. That's how it works. But portraying it that way gets complicated and challenges people and it's easier to just be like "sex! violence! boobies! gays! vomit! EDDDDDGGGGGEE." Men get raped, but more women get raped, and women can rape, but more rapists are men: it's always inexcusable but the context in which most rapes happen is, yeah, The Patriarchy.

AMANDA: EDGE. Also, "rape," according to the FBI, is still technically only defined when a penis violates a vagina. so even if a woman wanted to rape a man---not endorsing that---she couldn't do it. May I share with you my favorite examination of rape in film, courtesy of Roger Ebert?

SADY: Indeed! I love Roger Ebert more with every passing day, by the way. I want to hire him to be my Grandpa.

AMANDA: When I was a Freshman in college, I had to watch this movie, "Absence of Malice," for my Journalism class. It's a Very Serious Look into Journalism Ethics starring Sally Field as a spunky lady journalist who falls in love with handsome Mafia spawn Paul Newman. anyway, Sally Field ends up doing a bunch of semi-ethical stuff, causes Paul Newman's friend to kill herself, and so he gets back at her by almost---but not quite!---brutally raping her, showing her how to "respect limits" or something. anyway, the movie was terrible. Roger Ebert's review from 1981 says a bunch of stuff about how what Field's character did was wrong, but that he didnt care because the movie was really "romantic" and "entertaining." Here's the only mention of the near-rape scene: "Paul Newman's character is a liquor distributor who is (presumably) totally innocent of the murder for which he is being investigated. But because his father was a Mafioso, he finds his name being dragged through the press, and he achieves a vengeance that is smart, wicked, appropriate, and completely satisfying to the audience."

SADY: ROGER EBERT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AMANDA: :(

ILLUSTRATION: He is going to write the book on getting even. Said book will contain a surprising amount of near-rapings!

SADY: FROWNY FACE INDEED, MY FRIEND. Yeah, how do you get around that? "Well, he rapes her, but it was because she was all spunky and causing trouble. CLEVER!"

AMANDA: Now, this was in 1981, so perhaps in the past 28 or so years, everybody has become more aware of rape in film and why it can't be treated that way. or ... maybe that happened, and now people are treating it that way again, to be "edgy"!

SADY: Well, you want to think that. People will let the rapeyness of Superbad slide, but I haven't seen a critic who hasn't squirmed a little when trying to justify their enjoyment or support of the rape scene in "Observe & Report."

AMANDA: especially Anna Faris, who, seriously, has endured so much on film in her short career. Jesus.

SADY: Right? I read some article where she was like, "well, I didn't want to be a stick in the mud, so I did it, but I honestly didn't think it would end up in the movie because it was too awful." Ha ha, WHOOPS, Anna Faris! And the critics I've read, specifically in Variety, were like, "Anna Faris is a remarkably good sport in this movie." Which, that's the dichotomy I think we are working with: people think that being sensitive to the realities of rape is "P.C." and they want to be BOLD and PUSH THE ENVELOPE, but they don't seem to get that trivializing or justifying or reveling in rape isn't that bold: that's the status quo, we live there.

AMANDA: yeah. and i'm actually all for rape being portrayed MORE in movies, even by protagonists, because i think it's the reality. I just wish it weren't resolved with a punchline. and all those test moviegoers who made the rape scene "okay" by laughing might feel kind of bad that rogen's now using them as an excuse. it's like---well, i put this joke in there at the end and everybody laughed, however nervously! this means that the movie was a good movie. rape: it was all worth it ... for the laughs.

SADY: Maybe we could get more edgy! "Paul Blart: Mall Rapist," "Pulp Rapists," "Raperbad." An entire new genre awaits you: the feel-good rape comedy! Bring your date! IF YOU NEVER WANT TO HAVE SEX AGAIN.

ILLUSTRATION: Ladies, gentlemen: coming straight to a DVD near you, a new Rob Schneider comedy, the entire point of which is that he is worried about getting raped. Ha ha, aren't we all?

Sexist Beatdown: Man-Boner-Gratifying Edition

Ah, Sexist Beatdown: it just gets sexier by the week, people! This week it got particularly sexy, after I read a sexy article by Sexist Beatdown co-conspirator and The Sexist blogger Amanda Hess in which she sexily explained why the phrase "sex-positive feminist" is so annoying, and I, although a sexy sex-positive feminist for lo these many years now, found that I agreed!

So, this week: the tragic tale of my time as the worst sex educator ever employed by the Nameless Sex-Positive Sex Toy Shop That Would Not Want Me To Represent Its Views, surprising things you can find up your butt, and how performance art pieces entitled "No, Seriously, Look Up In There, It's Crazy: The Socio-Political Impact of My Vagina" have benefited our society today.

ILLUSTRATION: Can you guess which of these items I got to lovingly clean and/or caress with a damp cloth every day, for money? HINT: Which ones didn't I, Jesus.

AMANDA: ok. so. sex sex sex sex feminism sex

SADY: Indeed! I have, at times - many, many, MANY times - identified as a "sex-positive" feminist. Yet your article demonstrated for me some of the reasons why that can be annoying even to my very own ears!

AMANDA: yeah, and the issue is actually a lot more interesting than the form it was presented in my post ("rant")

SADY: Well, I feel like "sex-positive" is kind of a necessary construction, or was, at a certain point, when people were arguing with each other over whether porn, or heterosexual intercourse, was inherently oppressive to the ladies because of The Sexism. I even feel like right now we need to talk about ladies having sex drives and bodies that can enjoy sex and how that is not just necessarily some thing women inexplicably do to gratify man boners!

AMANDA: incidentally, i identify as a man boner gratifying feminist. i definitely agree with you, and i think the history of "sex positivity" and "feminist" is part of the reason it sort of nonsexually rubs me the wrong way. i just think at this point it's so obvious that feminists are not sex-negative. but i am a young female feminist-identifying person, so maybe it's not as obvious to, say, feminist-hating middle aged men.

SADY: RIGHT? They probably think you are out luring the man boners into wood chippers or something. OR marrying dudes so you can then divorce them, which I hear is quite popular. OR, you are a big old slutty slut slut boner slut. ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE TRUE, in the mind of the Middle-Aged-Feminist-Fearing-Dude.

AMANDA: yeah. and specifically with this conference, which i've never been to but i hear is really interesting and respected and everything, i want to be careful not to criticize a speaker selection because she was a porn star or used to do performance art shows where she put flashlights up her vagina or whatever. because that would be sex-negative and unfair, but at the same time, nothing about that stuff really interests me as a feminist and i wonder if we have to continue to insist on feminism being "cool" and not "prude" in our own feminist circles too in order to benefit the image that middle-aged wanker dudes have.

SADY: well, yeah, if there is one thing several decades of "I, Too, Have A Vagina, And Sex With It: A Performance Art Piece" has accomplished, it's to make women feel that having sex and sex drives is totally normal. has it convinced DUDES that women having sex and sex drives is totally normal? I am not sure! But it really seems that if you identify as a feminist these days it's assumed that you're also OK with sex. It's assumed if you're a young woman you do! It's not even really a "feminist" concept any more! So why do we need to keep emphasizing it, if not to try to make ourselves less threatening?

AMANDA: i mean, there is nothing wrong with feminist conferences going into these sort of related ideas that are maybe less serious and that a lot of the participants will probably be interested in. i just think that a lot of times it gets into this territory that's like, sex is great, all kinds of sex is great, this particular thing i do with my boobs and a swing or something is great, and at some point, i kind of just want to get back to Afghanistan or whatever

SADY: Yeah. I mean, I want to say a thing in defense of the SPF, and that is that it's interesting to talk about. When I was working in Ye Olde Sex-Positive Sex Toy Shoppe (not mentioned by name because I was possibly the worst employee they ever had, could not keep a till, whatever) I learned that it is FREAKING AMAZING what most people don't know about their bodies. How many nerve endings do you have up your butt? Is it roughly comparable to the number of ones you have in your cooter? I required employment at the store to tell me this!

AMANDA: yeah---i've found since writing the post, that talking about sex-positivity is actually super interesting! and i'm sex positive, i guess. i just usually associate talking with "sex positivity" as something different from both "sex issues" and "sexism," and it sometimes involves trying to sell a group of college girls dildos. but that is my own bias.

SADY: Selling them dildos OF FREEDOM, my friend! But yeah, "sex-positive" gets caught in this thing where we're talking about sex is great, the kind of sex YOU have is great, the kind of sex I have is great, sex sex yay - and as far as that goes, what with its being tied to LGBTQ stuff and not hating people because of how they get off, good. But can we also talk about the social stuff involved? And how to actually get actual social rights for folks? Like, yeah, some dude is eventually going to think I'm a slut because I've had sex, or a bitch because I haven't had sex with HIM. Granted. However, if I live in a world where sexual harassment and rape are not culturally or legally tolerated, he poses far less of a threat!

AMANDA: yeah, i mean the sex part of sex positivity i am not interested in. like, whatever you do when you have sex i could care less about. it's when those behaviors become stigmatized or litigated or whatever when i become interested. gah, i think i am a sex positive feminist. i dont know what i am anymore

SADY: ha ha, COME TO THE OTHER SIDE.

AMANDA: are there rope restraints over there

SADY: WE ARE DEMONSTRATING ROPE BONDAGE.

AMANDA: AHH

Sexist Beatdown: OMG I CAN SEE UR BOOB LOL Edition

Sexist Beatdown! It is the highlight of my week! Yours too, if you have any sense at all. But is it... SEXY? 

Probably not sufficiently sexy, no! In this week's installment, the sexy Amanda Hess of sexy Washington City Paper blog The Sexist and I sexily discuss "sexting," the sexy texting craze that's sweeping the nation! The nation of sexy teens, that is. 

Oh, and also: if you send pictures of your boobies to the douche you are dating as an adult, it is just a bad decision? But if you send them as a teen, that is child pornography! And you will be charged with such! Just a warning.

Illustration: I did a Google Image search for "sexting" and this is what I found. THANK YOU, GOOGLE. 

AMANDA: Sexting!

SADY: oh, yes. the sexy teens, sending each other sexy messages. is there no way we can stop it? perhaps through ridiculous charges of child pornography!

AMANDA: that ought to do it.

SADY: what strikes me, with this, is the way that so much of the burden of shame - and sometimes actual, legal guilt - rests on the girls who send naked pictures. instead of the dudes who "accidentally" send these naked pictures to every other dude they know!

AMANDA: yeah, it is a weird double standard. first they're told, don't send naked photos of yourself! it is a form of "dating violence" against YOU. then, don't send naked photos of yourself! you are a pornographer, the objectifier!

SADY: hah, yeah. oh the violence of maybe sending a dude a photo of your boob! oh, the slutty pornographer you will be if you do so! it reminds me of the conversations people are having about "hooking up." (did you know the young people are doing this now?) first, girls are told they're being taken advantage of by men, who are of course the only people to actually experience a desire for sex. THEN, they're told that they're making it impossible for any man to ever NOT treat them like crap, by putting out!

AMANDA: i also wonder how much this is condescending to teens, too. is this a "teen" epidemic? don't older people also regrettably send naked photos of themselves to their significant others?

SADY: i have spoken to many adult women who are in the practice of it, yes. there was an episode of 30 Rock about it, so you know it is a pressing social concern.

AMANDA: the name is really, really dumb. it smacks of Parent. with the aid of Fox 5 at 10.

SADY: I know, right? It's very late-night-local-news, seven-ways-your-dishwasher-can-kill-you. SEX + TEXTING = SEXTING! Great work, Bob!

AMANDA: yeah. the whole thing really is just old news repackaged for a "new generation." teens have always gotten naked in front of each other. teens have always talked about it to other teens. teens have always coerced other teens to do something they're not really ready to do, in some cases. now their parents can just find out a little bit easier.

SADY: yeah, precisely.

AMANDA: they should just make some iphone app and get over it.

SADY: haha, "THIS TEXT MESSAGE HAS BEEN DETERMINED TO CONTAIN NIP SLIP. ACCESS DENIED." i could use that one, actually.

AMANDA: yeah. another point of concern that i have is: my phone is busted and i can't take photos. why do these teens have way sweeter phones than i do?

SADY: it's their darn permissive parents, i say! in my day, we had to use polaroids, or make crude etchings of our privates!

AMANDA: hahaha

SADY: i think that it's way easier to see the hysteria underlying ANY sex when we look at TEEN sex, because teens are supposed to have bodies specifically under control of their parents. as opposed to everyone else, who is supposed to have a body under the control of DEEP SHAME.

AMANDA: yeah, it takes about 18 years to get that ingrained in you.

SADY: haha

AMANDA: this most recent case in spotsylvania though (real name) one of the girls whose photos were spread around is twelve years old. and even i, as a relatively young person hip to the underage sex, have to pause at that one

SADY: yeah, that one gives me pause. and i think that this is a weird thing, because girls, specifically, are under pressure as soon as they hit any region vaguely definable as "puberty" to be sexy. but not SEXUAL. be hot. but DON'T GIVE IT UP. and i wonder what combination of intimate and social pressures were happening to make this girl think she needed or wanted to do this. because one thing you can't do at that age is walk a line that charged without getting confused or fucking up. and now, obviously, she's being punished for it.

AMANDA: lock her up! lock her up! this all makes me very glad i'm not in school anymore. if my naked photos were sent around to people, i can at least know that most of them would not be people i'm forced to sit still with for six hours every day of my life. it would probably just be on some blog or something. whatever.

SADY: i really think that the technology aspect of it is part of what causes the furor. i mean. not that i've never woken up and thought "oh, god, what did i do last night and is it on facebook?" but you're right, the access to a technology which allows you to notify the whole school of your boobal region, combined with the fact that none of these kids is probably even sure of how to handle sexuality ANYWAY, because they receive NINETY-SEVEN CONFLICTING MESSAGES on a daily basis, makes it scary. particularly for the olden-timey folks who are raising them!

AMANDA: i know, i'm sure they are so very confused. it's just how everything is. future employers can google you, future boyfriends can google you, stalkers can google you. things you do stick around longer but they also get buried in so many things that also stick around that i think they can become less important. not that this isn't a shocking and terrible thing for a 12 year old to go through, but i think shocking and terrible things are just changing.

SADY: right? i mean, i recall passing a note to a boy when i was maybe twelve. because i had a crush on him. and i think it contained the phrase "i wish we could make out." also, maybe lyrics to janet jackson's smash hit "if?" I WAS TWELVE. anyway, the moral of the story is that he did not return my affections and consequently read it out loud to the entire school bus. but AT LEAST IT WAS NOT AN E-MAIL, JESUS.

AMANDA: adolescence is tragic, i tell you. at least we weren't prosecuted for it

SADY: yeah. that note has been lost in the sands of time. only the memory does not fade. unlike some of these girls, who are maybe going to be on a register of sex offenders that shows up, ON THE INTERNET, for the rest of their lives! because that will show them.

Sexist Beatdown: Blogging About Blogging About Blogging Edition

Good morning! Are you ready for a Sexist Beatdown... that requires extensive background information and additional reading into a history of intense debate in, around, and about the feminist blogosphere? If your answer is, "Jesus, it is too early for this, no," then you are in the same position as the lovely and preternaturally patient Amanda Hess of The Sexist, who respectfully indulged my mad whim when I told her that I had been reading and looking into many of the discussions about blogging, race, class, and privilege that had taken place within the last year (like, here and here, and also here and here, are two really important things to grow on) and had become kind of obsessed with them, and specifically with this one article about "digital colonialism" which kind of seems to (a) rephrase many correct and good points raised in those discussions, and (b) do so in a way that distorted those points and pissed people off. And then I asked to talk about them with her!

So, anyway, Mandy Van Deven and Brittany Shoot wrote this thing, and in the midst of some not insubstantial points about blogworld-as-meritocracy (hint: it's not), said that women of color who guest posted at Big White Feminist Elite Blogs were being tokenized, and that "many radical bloggers, both women of color and white women, have not been naive enough to buy into these symbolic co-optation efforts, but some have." Then "some" - in my own Google Reader, I saw Shark-Fu's and Renee's responses first, but there have been lots - pointed out how effed-up that was, then I read a whole lot of old blog entries and talked to Amanda about it on the GChat.

In this edition of Sexist Beatdown: dare I express an opinion which differs from that of my all-powerful Guest Blogging Overlord? Turns out, yep, and it is enlightening for all involved.

Illustration: I made my boyfriend listen to me talk about this and then he sent me this cartoon. I am just saying.

SADY: it is time for the discussion of why GUEST BLOGGING WILL DESTROY THE WORLD, apparently! did you even get through all the billions of words in the links i sent you? i have been re-reading them myself this very evening.

AMANDA: i got through many of them. i got very tired. let me start off by saying, i apologize for featuring your words in a weekly token guest blog. i did not mean to offend

SADY: you know, i will have to think that over. as a LARGER ELITE BLOG, i am aware that my decision to work with you is based on my own misguided naivete, so really, i have only myself to blame!

AMANDA: you're white though, so i think it's better? or maybe worse, i can't keep it straight.

SADY: i am a white lady, yes. therefore this argument is not nearly so insulting to me as to many!* but what frustrates me in the "what if the feminist blogosphere is a form of digital colonialism" post is that its one central point---women of color who guest post at Big Feminist Elite Blogs are being exploited and don't know it somehow---is so very NOT REALLY THE POINT AT ALL, if you read it closely. it mainly seems to be about Big Feminist Blogs and how they are keeping people---like maybe the authors of this very post!---out of the spotlight, and guest blogging is... causing this? i do not know. what i do know, from reading feministe, is that one of the authors once had a fight with jessica valenti

AMANDA: i see. i read a lot of the stuff, but i got bored around the middle of the feministe series.

SADY: awww

AMANDA: yeah, i'm sorry. i did get a little frustrated at how vilified the two women who wrote the post were by these other blogs that they had implicated in the post, to the point where they felt the need to write a long and excessively delicate, i thought, apology on it

SADY: yeah, i sort of read through that apology but i kind of was not able to keep my attention on it. i should say that i originally found the post through Shark-Fu's response.

AMANDA: Shark-Fu's response was great, and actually this whole exercise has brought up a criticism that I've had about some of the larger group blogs for some time, which is that they can be very, very boring sometimes. regardless of the identity politics of the writers, most of which i'm not really familiar with---this being on the internet and all---i think that the smaller individual blogs are where great voices are really cultivated and stranger issues are addressed, and when they're filtered into these larger monoliths i think a lot of that gets lost. (except for Shark-Fu, whose voice can never be silenced). take jezebel, for example, which i like---after reading that blog for a couple years, it just begins to feel very safe. though there are points of daring writing by some of the women who blog there, i wish there was a little more branching out in terms of content and voice.

SADY: yeah, i definitely agree with you about jezebel. although i think some of jezebel brings up the issue of maybe Blogging While Corporate, in that a lot of the writers I definitely sought out on that site were lost or started posting a lot less after they were moved to "part-time.” but i agree that single-person blogs, where you really get to watch one voice grow and develop and chart out the areas of its obsession, are usually more fascinating to me.

AMANDA: definitely. also, the very sad loss of Pot Psychology. i think one of the problems with blogs is that they are for people to just talk and talk and talk (see: this very blog post), and so these areas of opinion are worked over and over again, which draws a lot of conversation, but which doesn't always advance the scope of the topics we're actually talking about. which is the sad fallout of the fall of dead tree journalistic outfits i suppose.

SADY: ha, yeah. i also think that this one post we're talking about now has some interesting stuff to say, but that stuff is (ironic!) drawn from critiques, largely framed by ladies of color, that they didn't link to directly except through WEIRDLY ACADEMIC FOOTNOTES BECAUSE THEY ARE BORING, sorry. but the questions of who gets "authority," who gets to be "representative," and how that lines up with the class or racial privilege you have, i definitely think are worth investigating. i mean, blogs are for talking and talking and talking, but are we also listening and listening and listening? and to whom? and what are we doing with what we learn there?

AMANDA: i thought their original post was very interesting, and often right, and also wrong, and that the bigger blogs (i suppose i am only talking about feministe here) did a sort of cop-out move to focus only on the criticisms that were easy to shoot down. (not only . . . largely). i think one of the very interesting aspects of the original post was that it made the point that, hey, the Internet is great because everybody has a voice, but actually, there are so many voices on the Internet that the little blog representative of one aspect of feminism is not heard if it's not picked up by the larger sites. so really, no, not everyone has a voice.

SADY: true enough, and there may be a lot of factors (like, if someone is writing from a marginalized perspective within feminism---if they are a trans feminist, or a feminist sex worker, or a lady of color) that may cause people to view those as... i don't want to impute ill will to anybody, but let's say those are viewed as "specialized" whereas if you are writing from a more privileged place you get to present your concerns (and have them accepted) as "universal"

AMANDA: definitely

SADY: am i saying any of this right? i am pretty sure i am not!

AMANDA: yeah, and i wish that jezebel and some of the other blogs would touch on more glbtq stuff sometimes, but they're allowed to define their content area as they please. on the other hand, they're in this position to do so much interesting stuff that i think a lot of times they don't take the opportunity to. and part of that is because they're getting cut, they're overworked, underpaid, etc.

SADY: yeah, right, and here's where i think the questions about money and audience and status and whatever get very interesting. because if you're getting paid, let alone paid WELL, to be a feminist blogger (and are dependent for your paycheck on the goodwill of a dude who is not precisely known for being warm and cuddly, in jezebel's case) then... well, you have to write in a way that will capture your audience's attention and justofy those ad purchases on your site, and that might lead to the kind of "safe" stuff you were talking about, where you go back to things that you know will work and don't get to have the same sense of adventure as a blog without those concerns. which is not to say that i don't get a lot of news from jezebel! or even that i think jezebel is what they were talking about rather than feministing, feministe, shakesville, which i'm told make far less money, and which i also read.

AMANDA: yeah. i think it's just like any other capitalist industry, really, it's a meritocracy but it's not, and it's important to remember that. at the same time ... hell, it offers a lot of opportunity for a lot of discussion, and that's great! though very very extended discussions about Why We Are Not Racist i'm pretty much over with for now. thankfully, once the pageviews subside the blogs will move on to something else.

SADY: yes, thank god for the Internet: proving once and for all that if you just stop paying attention to some people, they will go away. and then maybe you can actually pay attention to people for doing something good! like being talented! it's sad how much easier it is to talk and talk forever about someone you don't like.

AMANDA: it is sad, but that is the internet in a nutshell. it's also easy to come up with reasons you don't like something that you might even have good things to say about.

SADY: it's also easy to say purposefully inflammatory things to get attention. I DON'T LIKE NUNS OR BABIES. Next baby I see: I'm punching it, HARD. see how easy that is?

AMANDA: piece of cake.


*Actually it is not directly insulting to me at all, because of the me-being-a-white-lady thing, so I'm not trying to, like, take over or minimize anyone else's sense of being insulted by it! Just to make this clear! IN A FOOTNOTE BECAUSE IT IS HARD TO EXPRESS NUANCED POINTS OF VIEW IN THE GCHATTER SOMETIMES. The End.

SEXIST BEATDOWN: The Title of This Feature Now Seems Kind of Creepy Edition

Behold! It is upon us once more! THE SINGLE GREATEST AND MOST CULTURALLY RELEVANT CROSS-BLOGGING GCHAT-ENABLED INTERNET EVENT OF ALL TIME (OK, I will stop, I am running out of relevant descriptive terms anyway) featuring: Amanda Hess of Washington City Paper's The Sexist! And also: me!

This week: Chris Brown, the trivialization of domestic violence, and the problems inherent in trying not to do that within an industry that is, pretty much by definition, trivial. Also, some of the least funny jokes I have ever personally made (Amanda's were better), the secret connection between D.H. Lawrence and Chris Brown, and an Islands song, because.

Illustration: One of the 9,000,000 pictures of Rihanna, Chris Brown, and a phone that have been used to illustrate some kind of point in the last few days. GET IT? Because there was a PHONE INVOLVED, POSSIBLY? GET IT?

SADY: it's really troubling. i think it is just hard for people to even approach it without getting into iffy territory, because we have so many messed-up ideas about partner violence itself. and the idea of it surfacing in this huge and troubling way between two super-famous people, who both have (apparently) super clean public images, is really weird.

AMANDA: it is very weird. but then chris brown's whole history is resurfacing now---how he grew up in a really bad situation with an abusive step-dad---and everyone is upset about that. a lot of people are saying 'how dare you bring that up?' as if bringing up the history excuses domestic violence. I have to pee really quick. keep writing. i'll be right back.

SADY: Right. what it tells us is that brown has a history of being exposed to that stuff, and some people are reading that as an excuse-type statement, "oh but he didn't like it when his dad did it so he couldn't have," whereas other folks are reading it as: kids who grow up in those situations sometimes repeat them, it's a programming thing. i am reading a d.h. lawrence novel about how his dad beat up his mom! and lawrence hated it! and then went on to perpetrate it in at least one relationship, i understand! so d.h. and chris brown apparently have something in common.

AMANDA: who knew. i think it's been kind of interesting how the celebrity aspect of this has revealed a lot about how people talk about domestic violence. i remember reading a rumor on the internets shortly after the incident happened that said, "Chris Brown Beats Rihanna For Giving Him Herpes," and then there was this firestorm of people reacting to that, saying, why perpetuate this rumor, and even if it's true, it doesn't excuse anything. But still, I heard that rumor maybe 3 or 4 times just from people that i know.

SADY: right. exactly. it was all over.

AMANDA: because that's how celebrity news works---you hear a rumor, you repeat it. it doesn't have anything to do with your moral position on domestic violence.

SADY: yet i think it is interesting that the first thing people wanted to know was: how did she make it happen? was she possessive? cheating on him? was it the herp? the idea of an abuser as someone who makes a CHOICE, to ABUSE, is kind of absent.

AMANDA: i think part of it is that people just like to talk about celebrities, and now there's this whole movement to make the discussion of this domestic violence somehow more sacred than that---more tempered and more positive---and of course the whole situation is very serious and awful, but i think it's a little too much to expect here. the only reason we're dissecting every little part of it in the first place is because it's chris brown and rihanna, not some joe schmos from down the street who are probably beating each other right now.

SADY: yeah, true enough.

AMANDA: so, the people entering into the domestic violence debate are people who are normally, you know, drawing jizz on zac ephron's face. which is a frustrating place to be in for people who see this as an opportunity to talk about some issues that don't get a lot of time in the public conversation.

SADY: yeah, there's a lot of "if chris brown were MY boyfriend he wouldn't beat me up," versus "rihanna is so pretty, why would you hit HER?" it's kind of weird to acknowledge that people's positions on this, because of the fame, might be less moral than "OMG must come to defense of person who has never seen me or spoken to me but will one day love me back!"

AMANDA: yeah, definitely. what did you think of the spokesperson's comment? i think it was something like, "rihanna is well, we appreciate your concern." i got this press release from some lady judge who was super pissed about that, saying it "glossed over" the issue . . . i thought it was just a pretty standard "no comment."

SADY: yes, that was it, almost exactly. and, you know, normally people who report these things don't have their names published. which makes sense to me given the fact that someone created a "rihanna deserved it" t-shirt - you really want to shield someone from that kind of shaming. so i can see her wanting to be private above all right now. you're a journalist, i mean, way more so than i---what do you think of the fact that her name was reported?

AMANDA: wow, they create t-shirts fast these days.

SADY: yes, and take them down almost as quickly.

AMANDA: i mean, i think that's probably a result of how this was reported, and how all celebrity news is reported. if you're reporting from a police report, the name is struck and there are journalistic standards blah blah. but if paparazzi have the photo of RIHANNA and bloggers are writing first-person accounts of RIHANNA . . . it's out the window then.

SADY: yeah, exactly. and then people are like, "if only we had pictures! if only we had a statement from each of them! they are fame-os, how can they withhold this incredibly fascinating story from us, the public!"

AMANDA: it's too bad, but i think that privacy is one that all celebrities sacrifice, and journalistic standards are really lax for them. you can say pretty much anything about a celebrity and people are rarely sued. so do you think chris brown is going to fade into obscurity?

SADY: i dunno if it's going to be obscurity or infamy. i mean, axl rose was accused of domestic violence. ike turner, obvs. r. kelly not only got a "not guilty" sentence, he got even more famous. there is now a song called "don't call me whitney, bobby." i think that's where this is going.

AMANDA: i like that song. yeah, i guess we just wait for the comeback!

SADY: as do i!

AMANDA: let's agree to meet back here, same place, at the time of chris brown's inevitable comeback.

SADY: okay, i am scheduling it for a year from now. let's place bets. we'll talk.

SEXIST BEATDOWN: Now With Extra Palin!

Ladies, gentlemen: the Internet is a wondrous place. It can, for example, allow you to speak with people you like! It can deliver to you big chunky nuggets of Palin, for your consumption! It can totally break down and make Sexist Beatdown a little bit late, sorry.

However! It has arrived! THE SINGLE GREATEST AND MOST CULTURALLY RELEVANT CROSS-BLOGGING INTERNET EVENT OF ALL TIME, in which the insanely brilliant Amanda Hess of The Sexist and I speak about the ladybusiness of the day, has returned. In this installment: Sarah Palin still exists! And gets interviewed by Esquire! We shall therefore navigate the Proverbs of Palin, and determine whether or not they make any sense. (Spoiler: hahahahaha, Sarah Palin making sense, that's a good one, hahahah, ugh, no).

Illustration: Sarah Palin's personal brand

We had flutes and trombones around the house. For my siblings and me, music was important to give us some balance. If it weren't for music, our entire social life, our avocations, all would have had to do with sports.

SADY: And so: she had flutes and trombones around her house. She was born to believe in the inherent goodness of flutes and trombones. Also, maybe, sports. With her love of music, it is a shame that the music she likes ("Barracuda," for example) loathes her and wants her to go away. A tragedy, really, in the purest sense.

Everything I've ever needed to know I learned through sports.

AMANDA: Whatever.

Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me.

SADY: This is interesting, because Sarah Palin strikes me as both bored and somewhat pathetic. Also, given the "palling around with terrorists" thing, kind of a liar! I will give her credit for not being anonymous, however. However much I WISH I had never heard the name of Sarah Palin, it will be engraved on my brain forever.

I'll tell you, yesterday the Anchorage Daily News, they called again to ask—double-, triple-, quadruple-check—who is Trig's real mom. And I said, Come on, are you kidding me? We're gonna answer this? Do you not believe me or my doctor? And they said, No, it's been quite cryptic the way that my son's birth has been discussed. And I thought, Okay, more indication of continued problems in the world of journalism.

AMANDA: I love that Sarah Palin's problem with journalists is that they attempt to check their facts, instead of spreading unsubstantiated rumors about major political candidates without confirming them. Still, I bet it is actually very annoying to have reporters calling you asking about your children and your children's children. Still, I bet it is even more annoying to be Sarah Palin's child and have your teen pregnancy and---surprise!---impending marriage outed to reporters days after your mother's debut on the national stage. Thanks, mom.

Even hard news sources, credible news sources—the comment about, you can see Russia from Alaska. You can! You can see Russia from Alaska.

SADY: Sarah Palin, who is in NO WAY ANONYMOUS, I hasten to add, is very upset about the fact that people do not believe this to constitute foreign policy experience. She advises herself to "let it go," presumably by bringing it up in every interview she ever gives for the rest of her life.

I would think we all tear up during the national anthem at the beginning of a baseball game, don't we? That's an alikeness between Alaskans and New Yorkers.

AMANDA: Most New Yorkers would call that a simple "likeness," but, yeah, I bet most New Yorkers couldn't find any more substantial ground with Sarah Palin, either.

If I were giving advice to myself back on the day my candidacy was announced, I'd say, Tell the campaign that you'll be callin' some of the shots. Don't just assume that they know you well enough to make all your decisions for ya.

SADY: This, I... weirdly agree with? I mean, the Vice-Presidential candidate is usually given more chances to explain or prove herself than Sarah Palin got due to the McCain freakout and lockdown. I don't know that all of her choices would have been wise, necessarily, but it does strike me as sexist that she was shut off from the public in that way. I get the sense she was deployed to bring in certain demographics, rather than given a chance to participate fully in the campaign. Boo!

Maybe it's like when someone says, "I love you, you're perfect the way y'are, now let me change you." And I'm sure Senator McCain had to struggle with some of that, maybe early on in his campaign.

AMANDA: And now, my "wisdom" registry includes this horrible vision of John McCain telling Sarah Palin he loves her.

I'd been a fan of SNL for decades, and I have a lot of respect for the present talent. I knew it would be a good thing to be a part of. And also, of course, to let Americans know that I can laugh at myself, too.

SADY: Blah blah interview commonplace blah. Then Tina Fey may or may not have given her a mean look and Palin offered babysitting services and we all got to talk about "catfights" forever, the end.

My favorite place in Alaska is on a cold winter day in my own house, with fat snowflakes falling. In my nice warm home.

AMANDA: Does it count as "wisdom" to move to an area of the earth that is totally unfit for human habitation, then compensate by employing helicopters, snowmobiles, and probably your own personal oil rig to live there comfortably?

Illustration: Actual Palin

I eat, therefore I hunt. I want to fill my freezer with good, clean, healthy protein for my kids. That's what I was raised on.

SADY: That and trombones! What's weird in the hunting discussion is that she never mentions the effect on the environment. The whole frontierswoman schtick loses its charm when you realize she is killing things from helicopters while drinking white chocolate skinny mochas, which is not, I think, comparable to the hardships of the settlers. Then you start wondering whether it is really advisable to kill every living thing in your path just so you can have some chili.

A courageous person is anyone who loses a child and can still get out of bed in the morning.

AMANDA: Yeah, this one is a bummer. I can't really disagree with this.

This is what I've been telling Bristol, before she gets married, is, Bristol, there are definitely gonna be tough parts in marriage. You have to look at those tough times and remember that you have essentially a business contract with this person. You've signed an agreement: You're going to be together.

SADY: This is ominous and terrifying for so many reasons, chief among which is that Palin seems to think a slip-up in birth control is a legally binding contract which condemns one to an eternal and loveless marriage. There's a difference between committing to someone and BEING COMMITTED to someone. I use "committed" in the "locked up in an institution with no hope of escape" sense, which is the feeling I would have were I to be forced into intimate domestic relations with Levi Johnston for a period longer than three weeks.

Fleece, lots of fleece, and skinny white-chocolate mochas. That's the best way to stay warm.

AMANDA: Elitist.

Oh, yes, I pray. I talk to God every day. I've put my life, so I put my day, into God's hands, and I just ask for guidance and wisdom and grace.

SADY: My mom does this too, so I can't poke fun. Palin's life actually has to be pretty hard, considering I get hurt when people point out I have barbecue sauce on my jeans; she's got a lot to deal with, and I empathize. I don't really trust a lot of Palin's public statements, but this religion thing is one thing I've never questioned. Whether God should be her primary consultant on matters of policy, or is totally cool with charging people for their own rape kits: that, really, is another matter.

The secret to chili is you gotta have good mooseburger in there. I don't know if you can get moose commercially in New York. You'd have to come up here and visit me in my home, and I'll prepare it for ya.

AMANDA: Umm, actually, I would really, really love to eat Sarah Palin's Secret Recipe Mooseburger Chili, The Secret Is The Mooseburger! I think there are real marketing opportunities here, especially in the most remote areas of the country, such as New York City, where moose access is severely limited.

Carmex. I'm addicted to Carmex. I don't go anywhere without Carmex.

SADY: Also, Palin is addicted to Carmex. I did not know what Carmex was! Imagine my surprise when I Googled it, found its web page, and was subjected to a graphic with a confusing font describing a product that is either "Strawberry Tube" or "Strawberry Lube." It is for your lips, Carmex! It is a lip balm. This is therefore irrelevant to my personal knowledge of Sarah Palin. Are you getting anything more interesting, Amanda?

The first place was an ice-cream store called Ferina's, in Wasilla. In a fishing village called Dillingham, I worked waitin' tables at a bar. Serving people, you learn patience. When someone's mad at you 'cause you're not serving them in the manner that they want to be served, and you've gotta be tempered and graceful.

AMANDA: Dude, I would not wish the fate of waiting tables at a bar in Dillingham upon any woman. I'm glad she got out of that, honestly, but I'm not sure that being "tempered and graceful" in a fish bar really translates to being tempered and graceful in a national campaign. I'm betting there's a pretty low bar for "graceful" in a fish bar.

Two meanings in Bristol's name: I worked at the Bristol Inn, and Todd grew up in Bristol Bay. But also, Bristol, Connecticut, is the home of ESPN. And when I was in high school, my desire was to be a sportscaster. ESPN was just kicking off, just getting off the ground, and I thought that's what I was going to do in life, is be one of the first woman sportscasters. Until I learned that you'd have to move to Bristol, Connecticut. It was far away. So instead, I had a daughter and named her Bristol.

SADY: This, again, is enlightening. People do name their kids after things that have meaning to them. Sarah Palin is no different, even though the kids sound like their names were randomly generated by the Syllable-O-Matic 5000. The number of "Bristols" with significance in Palin's life is kind of ominous, though. It's like "The Number 23!"

Hot? If only people could see me as I come in from a run early in the morning without a trough full of makeup on, I think that they'd have a different opinion.

AMANDA: Okay, first of all, I think it's really funny that she employs the phrase "trough full of makeup" here, because I think it's really on-point. Second, I think a lot of people find it endearing when people lack a self-awareness about their own attractiveness. You know, "Oh, she doesn't know how beautiful she is," etc. The problem is that Sarah Palin lacks a self-awareness about seemingly everything, except for how much makeup she wears. A trough full!

After a long day, if the weather's good, I like to take a long, hot run to unwind. Otherwise, lately, I take a bath with Trig, and I answer e-mails, and then we all fall asleep in my big bed while we listen to Piper read her Junie B. Jones books out loud. She's learning to read and she'll read for hours on end. It's idyllic. It's amazing.

SADY: So, she works out, and she spends time with her kids, and she answers her e-mail even at home. Those e-mails are the only real nod in her interview to the actual work she does, governing Alaska. Her private life and her domesticity and her motherhood and her praying, that's what we hear about. Which is weird: if she believed she was qualified to be VP, shouldn't she be more comfortable with discussing the actual stuff she does at work? Or would that be kind of unwomanly? Or is that all this interviewer wanted to know about, hot domestic Palin action? I get the sense that what we want from this woman is so paradoxical and weird that she herself doesn't know how to make sense of it. I am feeling empathy for her! What is this? Damn you, Esquire!

I bite my lip when I'm tempted to wisecrack, because I'm always thinking of something that I'd love to say but know that I better not say it because of the position that I'm in.

AMANDA: Sarah Palin's greatest problem may be how tragically calibrated her filter is for the shit coming out of her mouth. She won't tell Katie Couric what newspaper she reads, but she'll usher "palling around with terrorists" into the national discourse?

There is one America, but there are different priorities reflected in individual Americans that certainly can stand in stark contrast with — I'll give you an example. Some people, money is the be-all, end-all to them. Money and power, prestige, a title next to their name is the be-all, end-all. Other people, the highest priority would be their character, their reputation, their word, and money has nothing to do with that. The beauty of America is that individuals making up this great country do have different priorities. And that's the contrast that I would point out.

SADY: True enough. And it's easy to just photoshop someone's head onto a bikini model holding a gun, just dismiss them that way: pretty girls are brainless, rural people are hicks, etcetera, that's a nice little way to cordon off areas of experience you can't engage with. I agree! Yet, there are a lot of things wrong with Sarah Palin's policies, and we discussed them endlessly during the election, and the biggest one was that she never seemed to have any respect for "priorities" or perspectives that were not her own. Which, if you're in the position to potentially run AMERICA, don't you think you'd want to work for the common interests of all Americans, period?

We pulled out of some states that I believe we should have continued to campaign in and sent a stronger message that those states really mattered, regardless of the number of electoral votes there. The people mattered. I would have loved to have had more influence on where it was that we campaigned.

AMANDA: But Barack Obama is our president now and we don't care about this.

Running is my sanity. Sweat is my sanity. And that was a frustration of mine on the campaign trail, when we couldn't carve out a half an hour or an hour a day to run. The day never went as well as it would have had I had that time to go sweat.

SADY: Oh, dude. Not knowing the basics of your job, or being unable to demonstrate that you know those basics, is a problem that no amount of running can solve.